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Towson University Mom Roams Maryland Campus to Find Her Son a Date

One Maryland mom has apparently spent a little too much time reading the children’s book classic Love You Forever, in which a mom and son are so committed to each other that she breaks into his house as an adult. The Baltimore Sun is reporting that police are looking for information on a woman who has been approaching students at Towson University, showing them a picture of her son, and asking them if they would date him. The woman is described as in her 50s and wearing a multicolored scarf, which is an excellent detail. I am very here for this Nancy Meyers character come to life, wearing blousy tops and bold patterns, rocking a phone case that says “Live, Laugh, Love” or “It’s wine o’clock somewhere!” and taking matters into her own hands.

Police have released video footage of the woman but are curiously withholding a picture of the son in question. This seems like the crucial piece of information here. Is the son hot? Look, it’s hard out there and V-Day is coming up. People have to take their opportunities where they find them. Release the photos of the son, you cowards! We need to know what we’re dealing with here.

The police say that the mother isn’t being sought for criminal investigation, which is both comforting and odd. Good to know that it’s not against the law for mothers to transform themselves into human Tinder accounts (working title: Tender). But on the other hand, it is unsettling that anyone can just walk up to you and speak to you in this day and age. We really should work on outlawing that. The only acceptable human interaction is the DM slide. I don’t make the rules!

One hopes that this enthusiastic mom and her probably very embarrassed son are able to establish better boundaries around his dating life soon. Maybe he can teach her how to send “u up?” texts from his phone.

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