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Prince Harry in a Top Hat Looks Like the Hot Young Mr. Monopoly of My Dreams

Wow. If you had told me yesterday that I would ever support something—anything—that covered Prince Harry’s beautiful ginger tresses I would have called you a scurrilous liar and given you a job on Fox News. But yesterday is but a distant, youthful memory and I am a changed person because I have now beheld his Royal Highness in a top hat and my whole life is millinery thirst.

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For comparison sake, here’s Harry without a top hat:

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And here’s him with a top hat:

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EYES EMOJI!

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Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, and Harry, Duke of Sussex, got dolled up to attend Royal Ascot Day and I now have to destroy my entire vision board and devote all my attention to snacks in stove-tops. Meghan wore Givenchy with a stunning hat of her own by Philip Treacy. Together, they look like every one of my favorite moments from Four Weddings and a Funeral meets every one of my favorite moments from a truly inspired regional production of Hello Dolly!

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The drama of it all!

Am I into top hats or am I just into Prince Harry in a top hat? Must make a note to talk about this at length in therapy.

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For example, behind Harry there’s a whole bunch of dudes in top hats, including the royalest dude, Prince Charles, but do I see them? No. I’m like a Westworld host that is only programmed to recognize his supreme hotness Prince Harry and his magic top hat.

Prince Harry looks like he’s starring in a live-action origin story about Scrooge McDuck and if you think I wouldn’t pay large dollars to see Harry wearing a monocle and swimming through gold coins, you’re fooling yourself. You’re fooling yourself.

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Prince Harry looks like the Young Mr. Monopoly of my dreams. He can sell me Boardwalk any day. What does this mean? Who cares?! There’s a top hat involved! This is no time for questions!

It is a rare man who can pull off a top hat. It is the height of formal fashion but it can come off as costume-y without the proper attitude. Prince Harry, apparently, has that attitude and I am chapeau shewk!

Other people who can also top it off:

Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman should probably always wear a top hat, tbh. He is the person that top hats were made for.

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Zoe Kravitz. Obviously.

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Felicity Jones. Surprisingly!

Colin Firth. Colin Firth can do whatever he wants.

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This cat!

Ari from The Bachelor.

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Just kidding.

But can any compare to Prince Harry in a top hat?

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Yesterday I would have said yes. But I was so young and foolish then. Today is another day and I’m feeling brand new.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.

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