Dear E. Jean: My husband had an affair with one of my coworkers. She has a famous appetite for married men, and I made the mistake of asking her over for dinner. Long story short: She went after my husband, and he succumbed. They’ve ceased their affair now, and he and I are working on our relationship. But for three months I had to work with this woman who slept with my husband. It was excruciating and humiliating because most of my coworkers knew of the affair. (Actually, most of them knew about it before I did.) The woman has now transferred. But I find myself bitter and angry at my coworkers who were friends with her. Is it okay that I don’t wish to be friends with anyone who supported this woman?—They Don’t Understand the Impact
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Miss Don’t, My Dove: I understand you’re hurt, but your colleagues are too fascinated by their own extramarital affairs and too busy beating one another out of promotions to even remember the woman—so don’t force them to by acting “bitter and angry.” As for being friends with the turncoats? You don’t have to braid their hair in the bathroom, but you must be cordial and professional.
And a word about “working” on your “relationship” with your husband. No! No! No “work,” please! The only reason to be married is to enjoy each other. Fun will put your amour back on its feet faster than all the work in the world.
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.