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Trudeau is Still Hotter Than Macron: Notes on Le Scandal

Truth bomb: they are both attractive. And that is a good thing for everyone. More attractive men in office, I say! All of our world leaders should be hot. Actually scratch that. All of our world leaders should be women and we shouldn’t talk about how they look.

In the interim, however, we have to be vigilant about throwing around words like “Hottest” and “Le Plus Sexy” and “Open Bar” (this last one is unrelated, but it’s important: please don’t say the bar is open if it’s just beer and wine. Thank you.)

Anyway, in case you’ve just woken up from a coma: Justin Trudeau, aka Le Bae, is the scrumptious Disney-prince-looking Prime Minister of Canada. Also, if you’ve just woken up from a coma, uh, go back.

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Trudeau is known for his raven locks, his impish grin and his propensity to for shirtlessness.

He literally looks like Eric from The Little Mermaid but hotter. Fact: Justin Trudeau can’t even go past large bodies of water anymore because mute merpeople are constantly leaping out of the water into his arms.

It’s a whole thing.

Justin Trudeau is perfect, lookswise. Policies… eh, fine. Le okay. But lookswise? Chef kiss.

Emmanuel Macron, the 39-year-old recently elected president of France, is also a plum little tarte who looks like a grown-up version of the kid from 13 Reasons Why. The new president of France is that shy sophomore who grows up to be a solid looker and surprisingly successful politically. He is a catch, don’t get me wrong. Emmanuel Macron is classic Mark Ruffalo character. Everyone loves Mark Ruffalo.

But! Mark Ruffalo is no Justin Trudeau.

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I don’t want to Ruffalo anyone’s feathers here. Remember, I said they were both attractive. And I have high hopes for Macron. I think he can grow into his Trudeau-ness.

I like to believe there is a hot world leader training institute, like that one mystical place in Tibet that all superheroes go to learn how to jump-kick.

I imagine Justin Trudeau leads a room full of solidly attractive hopefuls in doleful glance drills and experiments with new hairstyles. “Try a swooping bang,” he bellows. “You must be willing to risk it all for success!” Meanwhile, Obama travels the globe in well-fitting chinos, showing up like Nick Fury in every bonus scene, to recruit the next generation of political hotties.

There may be hope for the world after all.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Le Twitter and watch his le show:

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